The Room Itself
by l.m.standing
Summary: The film, The Room, has, in the words of one critic, an undercurrent of existential despair beneath its humor, which Johnny and Lisa explore in this dramatic retelling of The Room. It's a metaphor.


The Room Itself

Note: the following sketch is NOT officially affiliated with

Wiseau Films.

Lisa: 26

Johnny: late 30s to early 40s

Johnny: Do you ever ask yourself what supports this room?

Lisa: What do you mean by that?

J: Well, you are supported by the couch, and the couch by the carpet,

and the carpet by the concrete slab.

L: Which is part of the room.

J: Yeah, Lisa. It is.

L: Johnny, I think you're taking the wrong approach. Ask yourself this:

"If I were to find a support for the room, wouldn't I have to ask myself

'What supports the supporter?'"

J: Oh wow, Lisa, I guess I never thought of it that way... I guess it's

only reasonable, then, to assume the room is all there is, and that it

supports itself. I guess I won't keep trying to pick the lock, then?

L: Why bother? I mean, we've got enough in here to hold out for another

few days - why be greedy for some special, extended life? Everyone who

has ever been in this room has died trying to pick the lock. Surely there's

more dignity to be had than that. And I've tried the lock.

J: And so have I, Lisa, and so far it's unpickable - You'd think, though,

that this room must exhibit a design for escape, since it has a door.

L: I just take the room as a given, Johnny.

J: Okay, Lisa.

Would it be worth pounding on the walls, in case there are people out

there who can help?

L: We have no evidence that there is a world outside - no sense being

melodramatic.

J: Well, when I use my imagination, Lisa, I see the outside world, and

since it could be out there, why don't we try?

L: Why don't you hunt down a unicorn in the heating vent while you're

at it? I'm hungry.

J: But there aren't any unicorns in the... Oh, I get what you're saying...

Still, don't you ever wish you could get out of here?

L: Yes, but escaping you would be too good to be true.

J: Why does the truth have to be bad?

L: It's not a question of good or bad - we just made those things up,

as you can see by the differences we have, it's just that it's a law that

people believe what's convenient.

J: Huh... well, isn't it more convenient, at a certain level, to assume,

Lisa, that really good things aren't worth imagining, because you hate

the inconvenience of having your hopes let down?

L: Maybe so - but it's better than picking the lock - which you can

waste your time doing. In the meantime, I'm going to make this room

amazing. It's all we've got, after all.

J: How are you going to do that, Lisa?

L: Well, if we put up those mirror tiles that are piled over there,

we can make this room have an illusion of greater size. I got that

from an interior decorating magazine.

J: What else?

L: Continue with the paintings.

J: Right, the paintings. I guess the room does look nicer with those

paintings on the wall.

L: Some black and white Polaroids in classy frames would add a nice touch.

J: What would we take pictures of?

L: Hmm... Maybe our silverware...

J: Good idea.

L: Speaking of eating... Prepare the food so that we really enjoy it,

really make it last. If we put the right spices in it, we can stomach

sawdust and slightly expired meat.

J: Okay, Lisa, sounds like a plan.

L: Let's do it, then. Hand me those mirror tiles... and the epoxy.

[They quickly cover the wall in mirror tiles]

J: You were right - it really does give the room a sense of space.

L: Of course it does - now for some food.

J: Wait, you're putting *that* in our food?

L: Yeah, so?

J: I'll eat a lot of things, Lisa, but I'd rather die than eat *that*

L: Then die! That's all there is! See if I care!

J: No, I'm going to bang on the wall.

L: Stop that, Johnny, you're breaking the mirror tiles!

J: I'm sick of this place!

L: Don't you dare get your hands on my paintings!

J: I want out!

L: I warned you. Now I'm gonna kill you. [Shots and bleeding]

J: That gun... where'd you get... bullets?

L: There's always bullets.

J: What's that sound?

L: What sound?

J: Sirens... where is it coming from?


End file.
